He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize