Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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