Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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