I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
