She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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