there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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