he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
