Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
