She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
