1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
