Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my poor anus
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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