She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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