she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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