he was CRYING into my vagina
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
