Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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