R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize