I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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