i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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