Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
