Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
