i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
