Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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