Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
