You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
