What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
