I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
