he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
