i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
