i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
