sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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