Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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