It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
