Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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