I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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