this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is my gift to your gina
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
