wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
