Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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