I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
