She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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