just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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