Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
