Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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