I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
