I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
