Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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