Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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