Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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