loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
