sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
