I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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