So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
