This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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