Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
