Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
