are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the condom got lost in my hair
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
