There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
