dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
