So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize