dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize