we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
