I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
