if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
