Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
