I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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