went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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