My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
