Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
